Monday, January 21, 2013
Authoring
your own funeral
Did you ever see The Big Chill? Friends gather for the funeral of one of their own
tight group. It was very funny at the time but what brings it to my mind was
the soundtrack which included The Weight
and other 60s and 70s rock hits from The Rolling Stones et al. Part of its
fascination was the notion of a funeral being other than an airbrushed and
glossy choreography of a life. As my last blog explores, funerals tend to be
for the living rather than the dearly (?) departed. As a consequence they can
leave the mourner feeling bitter about what remains unspoken, or unresolved or
that the quirks and failings in the deceased’s character have not been
addressed and embraced. It seems extraordinary that it should be so. In Ghana
there is a latter day Christian tradition that the dead should be given a
warts-free send-off to the next place. As though the Christian God is mindful
and persuaded by a funeral’s carefully orchestrated marketing.
If you live in a land where your last
wishes count for anything, you can choreograph your own funeral and take the
ticklish issue of people being forced to distort their public views of you, out
of their hands. This is sometimes called a ‘living will’. Some undertakers
provide you, in advance, a comprehensive document to fill in, covering every
aspect of your funeral-to-be. So – you can ignore, deny, evade the
responsibility of ensuring that your funeral is true to the curious mix of
strengths and weaknesses that make you who you are, or you can wrest control
from people’s failure of courage or desire to project a one-sided picture of
you..
Arranging the final curtain can then be
seen as your last act, a self-portrait, an autobiographical creation to hang
before the congregation, whatever their religious or atheistic leanings.
Imagine, you are reaching across the Great Divide and saying, “Hello, this was
me and don’t you forget it.” I think it is within your last rights to exert this last opportunity to shape fate and leave
a tasty mix of sweet and sour in people’s mouths, resonating with the memories
of the person they once knew.
A wry novella I wrote last year describes an
unusual choreography of death and can be downloaded FREE from
www.chronometerpublications.me
Labels: #Funerals, Dying wishes. Living will.
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